


waves

by buddiebuddie (positivelystisaac)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Idiots in Love, M/M, def not canon but it SHOULD BE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-10 03:42:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18652198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/positivelystisaac/pseuds/buddiebuddie
Summary: If anyone was going to wake Eddie up in the middle of the night with a text that wasn’t even meant for him, he’d be damned if it wasn’t Evan Buckley.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> My first Buddie fic! I just love these two together. 
> 
> Title comes from Waves by The Vamps:
> 
> I’m a fool  
> I let you down, I let you down  
> I made waves

Evan Buckley has never felt closer to death. Flames are licking at his feet, his oxygen tank alarm ringing in his ear. “You’re almost empty, I get it!” He shouts in frustration, flames licking at his feet as he hurries through the hallway.

“118, evacuate. Repeat, evacuate. Black fire— everyone out.” Bobby’s voice crackles through his radio. He can hear the beams above him crackling, a telltale sign they’re about to give.

“Buck, get out of there now,” Cap’s voice again.

“On my way, Cap!” He replies. Just then, a beam falls several feet in front of him. He swears under his breath, just as his oxygen runs out for good, the hiss of the tank suddenly nonexistent. He turns around to head out the other way. He starts running, moving through the smoke-filled hallway as fast as his feet will take him. Each breath is more difficult than the last as he makes his way down the stairs, white hot pain searing through his chest with each inhale.

“Buck, report.”

He tries to key his radio, but the pain that comes with the movement of his arm across his chest is unbearable. “Captain Nash for Evan Buckley. Report.” Cap again, voice thick with worry this time. By the act of some greater god, he reaches the door just in time. He’s no more than two steps onto the grass when he collapses.

The first thing he feels is the same searing pain in his chest, though duller now. Slowly, his eyes blink open. He’s in the back of an ambulance, hooked up to something that will _not_ stop beeping.

“He’s waking up!” Eddie shouts, tapping on the barrier to get Chim’s attention.

Chim’s eyes find his in the rear view mirror. “Two minutes out,” he calls back. “How’s he doing?”

“Still stable,” Eddie replies, just as Buck shouts “Never better!”

He grins at Eddie, who shakes his head, lips pressing into a straight line. “What do we say to the god of death?” He says, grin not leaving his face. His voice is muffled by the oxygen mask wrapped around his head. 

“Sit back and breathe,” Eddie says, clearly unamused. 

“No, thats not what we say to the god of death,” Buck replies, lifting the oxygen mask away from his face. He clears his throat. “We say not today.” 

“That oxygen isn’t going to do you any good off your face.” There’s a cold edge to Eddie’s voice. 

“Who pissed in your cornflakes, Diaz?” he quips with another cough. This earns him another glare from Eddie, who reaches over and presses the mask back against his lips.

“Deep breaths,” is all he says.

“No,” Buck’s voice is muffled under the oxygen mask. He swats Eddie’s hand away from where it’s holding it in place. “What’s your problem?”

“No problem,” Eddie says curtly.

“Clearly you have a problem,” Buck pushes, another cough cutting him off. “Out with it.”

Eddie stands up, leaning over him to adjust the oxygen flow. As he does, he mutters under his breath, “¡ _No piensas! Jesucristo, pensé que estabas muerto, no, todos pensamos que estabas muerto, ¡porque no piensas!_ ” He pulls his gloves off, tossing them in the trash bag nearby. “ _Y el oxígeno, juro por Dios…._ ”

“I don’t think?” Buck replies incredulously, attempting to sit up. The pain is back in his chest, shooting straight through his ribs. He inhales sharply, which gets Eddie’s attention. He places a hand on Buck’s chest, gently easing him back down.

“Don’t ever do that again. I thought I lost— thought _we_ lost you.”

Buck freezes. Something in the way Eddie’s voice catches as he corrects himself causes Buck’s stomach to flip.

It started out fine. Casual, even. A heated kiss after they accidentally ate those LSD-laced brownies turned into a barstool makeout after a particularly bad shift. Which turned into Eddie sucking a hickey onto Buck’s neck in the corner of the turnout room. Which turned into sex in the showers. Which turned into sex in beds.

But this? This was something else. One of them slipping up, saying something that just a little bit over the line where friendship ends— or, rather, friendship with benefits ends— and _something more_ begins. It’s the same thing every time. One of them saying something seemingly innocent, but that something carrying undertones of _I love you_ and _I can’t lose you_ and _I want to be with you forever and help you raise your adorable son and take him to see Santa and pick out a Christmas tree every single year._ Catching themself. The other pretending it never happened. This dance keeps going on, day after day, week after week. And Buck is sick of it.

He brings his hand to rest on Eddie’s knee, palm facing up. Eddie doesn’t hesitate. He takes Buck’s hand in his own, squeezing it reassuringly. Buck glances up. Eddie’s eyes say it all.

— —

It isn’t long after Buck is released from the hospital— no sign of lasting damage from smoke inhalation and cleared to return to work— that he has Eddie pushed up against a wall in the turnout room, hands rucking up his shirt as his lips make their way down the shorter man’s neck. Eddie’s skin is buzzing as he drags his hands down Buck’s chest, pausing to yank his shirt out from where it’s tucked into his waistband. He almost has Buck’s belt undone when they hear the door. “Buck, you almost done with those masks?” Bobby’s voice calls out.

Buck immediately claps a hand over Eddie’s mouth. “Yeah, Cap, almost!” He shouts back.

“Alright, well dinner’s on. You seen Diaz?”

“Bunk room, I think!” Buck shouts, shrugging when Eddie gives him an incredulous look. As soon as they hear the door close, Buck drops his hand from Eddie’s face.

“Fuck,” Eddie hisses, hands dropping to his sides.

“Another time,” Buck replies with a grin, tucking in his shirt as Eddie runs a hand through his hair, trying to undo the tousling from Buck’s roaming hands.

“Wouldn’t you like that,” Eddie shoots back, winking as he turns to leave.

                                  — — —

**Two weeks later**

Buck wakes up to the smell of shampoo in the air. Eddie’s bathroom door is cracked just enough to allow him to see Eddie standing over the sink, clad in nothing but a white towel wrapped around his hips. Buck can’t help but smile as he watches Eddie run a comb through his wet hair, chewing on his lip as he concentrates.

He catches Buck’s grin in the mirror. “You like what you see or something?”

Buck laughs. “Or something.”

Eddie drops the comb on the bathroom counter and shuts off the light. He walks back into the bedroom and straight for the bed, where Buck is still grinning up at him.

Leaning over the bed, he presses a kiss to Buck’s forehead. “G’morning,” he murmurs, moving down to kiss his lips. A droplet of water falls from his hair onto Buck’s cheek. Eddie brings his thumb up to wipe it away, but Buck has other ideas. He wraps his hand around Eddie’s wrist, tugging him down and flipping over so Eddie’s back is against the mattress in one swift move. Buck takes a minute to stare, taking in the hungry grin on Eddie’s face, his freshly combed hair now tousled against the pillows, his brown eyes shining in the early morning light. Finally, he leans down and presses his lips to Eddie’s. Immediately, Eddie melts into the kiss, hand fisting in the fabric of Buck’s t-shirt.

 _Bzzzt_ . A loud vibration comes from the side table, just as Buck gets his lips on Eddie’s neck. “I’m ignoring that,” he breathes into the stubble against his lips. Eddie hums in agreement. _Bzzzt_ . “It’s mine,” Eddie says. “Leave it. They’ll call if it’s an emergency.” _Bzzzt_. Eddie groans in frustration, finally reaching for his phone. He scrambles to pick it up off the side table just as it buzzes again.

“Shit!” He hisses, dropping his phone onto the mattress. “You have to go.”

“What?” Buck asks incredulously, a laugh escaping his lips.

“You have to go,” Eddie repeats, sitting up beneath him. Buck rolls back onto his heels, confused. Eddie climbs out of bed and pulls on a pair of briefs. “Shannon and Christopher are on their way,” he says, tossing Buck the jeans he had haphazardly discarded last night in the heat of the moment.

Buck stands up, though makes no attempt to step into his pants and get moving. “You’re serious?” He asks, tone turning cold. The look Eddie gives him says enough. He pulls his pants on and shoves his feet into his shoes. He glances back at Eddie once more. Met with the same straight face, Buck grabs his belt off the floor and walks out, not even bothering to put it on.

He gets in his car, slamming the door behind him and getting ready to tear away from the curb just as Eddie sends him a text.

 

**8:13 AM: I’m sorry. See you at the station.**

 

He throws his phone onto the passenger seat, anger and sadness and frustration all jockeying for the number one position in his mind. He takes a deep breath and pulls away from the curb without looking back.

— —

“Hey.” Buck turns around to see Eddie standing in the door to the bunk room. “About this morning-”

“Don’t,” Buck replies, grabbing the book from the table beside his bunk and brushing past Eddie on his way out the door.

He turns the corner and quite literally bumps into Chimney.

“What happened to you?” He asks, looking Buck up and down. “You look like you’re a few seconds away from Buck 1.0.”

“Nothing,” Buck mumbles, continuing down the hallway. He can hear Chim’s footsteps jogging to catch up with him, which only makes him walk faster.

“You can run but there’s only so many places you can hide, Buck,” Chim calls.

— —

“You know, Eddie, you’re something else,” Buck says suddenly. They’ve just come in from a call, and they’re the last two in the turnout room returning their gear.

“Am I now?” Eddie raises an eyebrow.

Buck slams his locker shut, “You kick me out yesterday morning like I’m some dirty little secret, and then you spend all shift acting like nothing happened.”

“Acting like nothing happened? Buck, I- I tried apologizing so many times, and you wouldn’t even look at me, let alone talk to me!”

“I thought this,” Buck says, motioning between the two of them. “I thought it was real, y’know? My mistake.”

“I can’t do this now,” Eddie replies, looking around. “Not here, not now.”

“Why not? You worried someone’s gonna find out about us? Worried I’m gonna blow up your spot?”

“Buck, I made a vow-“ Eddie begins.

“One you had no problem breaking!” Buck all but yells. “Breaking at my house, at your house, in the back of your truck, in the showers. Hell, you could hardly wait to break it five feet from where we’re standing right now… should I go on?”

“I don’t expect you to understand. Hell, I barely understand. I don’t know what I’m doing.” Eddie’s voice is soft, vulnerable. “All I know is I want this. I want _us_. But I made a vow and I’m just… I’m scared. I’m scared Shannon’s going to leave again and I’m scared Christopher is going to lose his mom for a second time.”

There are tears in his eyes now, threatening to spill over and start rolling down his cheeks at any second. “And I’m scared I’m going to lose you.”

“What about me?” Buck demands. “I’m scared too, you know. Scared of ruining this, scared of losing you.”

Eddie reaches for Buck just as the alarm rings out.

 


	2. Two

“Listen, I get it,” Buck says quietly as they head for the turnout room. “Christopher comes first. Always. And I want you to always put him ahead of me. But this sneaking around? I just…” 

“No, I know,” Eddie replies. “It’s not fair.”

“Does Shannon know?” Buck asks before his common sense has a chance to kick in. _Come on Buck, don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to._  

Eddie looks up at him from where he’s pulling on his suit. “I-”

“Made a vow, I know,” Buck snaps, climbing into the truck before Eddie has a chance to respond.

 

Bobby turns around to face the team before the truck has even come to a complete stop at the scene. “Hen, Chim, you’re with me to see if anyone’s inside. Buck, Eddie, get up to the roof and let’s get it vented.”

“Copy that,” Eddie says. The truck stops and they jump out, jogging around the side of the truck to grab their equipment.

“Let’s do this,” Buck says, clapping Eddie on the shoulder as they head to the ladder. 

The roof is pretty stable, and cutting vents is about as straightforward as it goes. It’s not long before they have several large holes cut, the smoke billowing out just as it should. “All good on the vents, Cap,” Buck says into his radio. “Where do you need us?”

“Come on down, guys,” Bobby’s voice comes through their radios. “We canvassed. No one in the house, so we’re ready to hit it with the hoses.”

“Copy that.” Just as Eddie pulls his finger off his radio, he sees it. Through one of the gaping holes in the roof, he can make out a figure. “Buck!” He yells over the roar of the flames. “Hey, someone’s in there!”

“What?” Buck jogs over to where Eddie is staring down into the house. “No, Cap said all clear- no one home.”

“Explain that,” Eddie replies, pointing at the shadows in the smoke-filled room. 

“I don’t see anything,” Buck says. “You sure you see something?”

“Not something, someone,” Eddie insists. He keys his radio. “Cap, I see someone through one of the vents. Northwest corner of the house, upstairs.”

“We checked every room,” Bobby replies. “No one home. No car in the driveway and the neighbors said they’re on vacation.”

“I’m not crazy!” Eddie yells. “There’s someone there.”

Buck is kneeling beside the hole in the roof now, yelling down into the house. “Fire department! Call out!” He looks up at Eddie and shakes his head. No response. 

“Come on down so we can get some water on it,” comes Bobby’s voice

Eddie shakes his head, meeting Buck’s eyes. Buck knows what he’s thinking before he even says it. “Don’t even think about it.”

“It’s what, eight feet? I can do it.”

“You’re out of your mind,” Buck shouts. “Don’t you dare.”

“There’s someone there, Buck! I’m sure of it!” Eddie looks down at the room once more, and then before Buck can stop him, leaps through the vent.

Buck swears under his breath, immediately grabbing his radio. “Cap, he jumped in.”

 

By the time Buck gets down to the front lawn, Eddie still hasn’t come out of the house. “He’s still in there?”Buck demands, jogging up to Bobby and Hen. “What the hell are you guys doing standing here? He should be out by now!”

“Eddie, you find anything?” Bobby radios in. Nothing.

“Cap, let me go in,” Buck pleads. “I know where he was, I can get to him if he’s in trouble.”

“Give him a minute,” Bobby says, but the tremble in his voice betrays the calm expression on his face.

“But-“ 

“Eddie, report.” Still nothing. Buck is through the front door without another word. 

“Eddie!” He yells over the roaring flames. The visibility is practically nonexistent, black smoke hanging thick in the air. He feels his way to the stairs, taking them two at a time. “Eddie, call out!”

His blood runs cold when he reaches the top of the stairs and heard the shrill tone of a PASS device. He runs towards the sound as fast as his feet will carry him. “Eddie!” He calls again.

As he turns the corner into the bedroom Eddie jumped down into, he sees him on the floor, beneath a bookshelf. There’s a boy beside him, unconscious.

“Mayday, mayday!” Buck screams into his radio. “Firefighter down. Repeat, Eddie’s down.” 

Despite the roar of the fire, the PASS device ringing, and the crackling of the beams around them, Buck can hear his own heartbeat thumping in his ears louder than ever. He pulls the bookshelf off of Eddie and the boy, shoving it to the ground and dropping to his knees beside their motionless bodies.

“I’m here, Buck!” Bobby yells, appearing in the doorway.

Buck turns to face him. “Get the kid! He’s got a pulse, get him out,” he shouts, turning his attention back to where Eddie is still motionless on the floor. He scrambles for Eddie’s helmet, trying to push aside the ear flaps so he can get a hand on his neck. The damned PASS device is still ringing. Buck rips it off of his chest and throws it at the wall as hard as he can with an angry shout.

“Eddie?” Bobby asks.

“I got him. He has a pulse, he’s alive.” He focuses on the feel of Eddie’s pulse beneath his fingers. He can hear Eddie’s voice in his head. _Deep breaths._ He forces himself to inhale a shaky breath as Bobby lifts the kid in his arms and heads out the door. 

“Eddie, come on,” Buck pleads, pushing the remaining books away and grabbing Eddie’s arms. He hooks them over his own shoulders, standing up with a grunt. With Eddie slung over his shoulder, he heads for the door. “Don’t do this, Eddie. Don’t you dare fucking die,” Buck says, voice cracking on the last word.

 

Hen and Chim are waiting with a gurney as soon as Buck crosses the front door and makes it down the porch steps. He eases Eddie on it and takes a step back as Hen and Chim move in and pull his helmet off. They’re shouting back and forth about cardiac rhythm and smoke inhalation and airways as they load him into the back of the ambulance, but Buck is frozen. 

He barely hears a word they say, doesn’t register Bobby’s hand on his shoulder and the reassuring squeeze. Not until Eddie lets out a cough does Buck come back to his own body, suddenly alert and aware once more. “That’s good, you’re okay,” Hen says, rubbing Eddie’s back as he sits up on the gurney, eyes wide as he coughs harder than Buck’s ever seen. It’s only when Chim nods at Bobby and Buck reassuringly that Buck finally lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding.

“What the fuck were you thinking?!” Buck demands, jumping into the ambulance and shoving Eddie’s chest. “You idiot!”

“Buck,” Bobby warns, hand on Buck’s shoulder.

 “The shelf fell,” Eddie says, voice gravelly. Chim passes him a bottle of water, which he accepts gratefully.

“No shit the shelf fell!” Buck snaps. He shoves Eddie again, on his shoulder now. “You idiot, you could-”

“Buck!” Bobby is pulling him back before he can shove Eddie once more. “Cut it out or I’ll send you home. No more warnings.”

Buck is frantic. “But Cap, he-”

One look from Bobby is enough to get Buck to shut his mouth. “Enough, Buck. Eddie, good catch. Glad you’re okay.”

Eddie nods, glancing up at Buck. “Told you I wasn’t crazy,” he says from behind the oxygen mask Hen has just passed him.

“You’re crazy, just for different reasons,” Buck replies without missing a beat. “You’re an idiot.”

“You’re one to talk,” Chimney says from where he’s hooking up a saline IV. He looks past Buck and at Bobby. “He’s gonna be fine, just needs some fluids and we’re gonna get him a scan to make sure it’s just bruising on his ribs and nothing’s broken.”

“I’m coming with you,” Buck declares, sitting down across from Eddie’s gurney.

“I’m fine, Buck,” Eddie insists.

“And I’m coming with you.”

Chimney looks at Bobby for approval. He nods before shooting Buck a knowing look. He closes the doors and taps them twice, signaling Hen to start driving.

 

They’re sitting in a hospital room at Mercy General, waiting for the nurse to come back and take Eddie for a CT. Chim and Hen took another call, leaving Buck on Eddie Watch for the time being.“You want me to call Shannon?” Buck asks, glancing up from his seat at the foot of Eddie’s hospital bed. 

Eddie refuses to lay down on the bed, instead sitting up on the edge, legs hovering above the floor as he waits for the nurse to come get him with a wheelchair that Buck knows he’s inevitably going to refuse. He shakes his head. “Nah, no need.”

Buck would be lying if he said Eddie’s response didn’t make him feel like a kid on Christmas. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods, locking eyes with Buck. The corner of his mouth ticks up in a small smile. “Got everyone I need here with me already.”

And it’s like all the butterflies that had been lying dormant since Eddie kicked him out that morning suddenly woke up from a deep slumber, clamoring awake and fluttering their wings inside Buck’s stomach. He feels warm all over, unable to stop the smile creeping onto his face.

“I’m sorry I called you an idiot,” he says after a minute. 

“Three times,” Eddie reminds him. 

“Three times,” Buck confirms with a nod. 

“I’m sorry I made you feel like my dirty little secret,” Eddie counters. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“And I’m sorry I threw your PASS device against a wall and left it to burn,” Buck adds. “I just... it wouldn’t stop ringing and I already thought you were dead and it just wouldn’t stop.” Buck’s voice is softer, fear creeping through.

“Come here,” Eddie says, extending his hand.

 Buck rises from his chair, closing the distance between himself and where Eddie is seated on the edge of the bed. He steps in the empty space between Eddie’s knees, draping his arms over Eddie’s shoulders.

Eddie’s hands grip Buck’s hips gently. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

“Okay,” Buck says. He runs a hair through Eddie’s hair, ruffling his already tousled locks even more. He loves finishing calls, watching Eddie pull off his helmet, only to reveal his usually perfectly slicked hair has become a tousled mess. Don’t get him wrong, he loves Eddie’s whole put together, former military, not-a-single-hair-out-of-place vibe. But there’s something about Eddie’s disheveled hair, the way it falls over his forehead and into his eyes just the tiniest bit, that Buck can’t get enough of.

“I was worried I wasn’t gonna get to see Christopher again,” he says after a minute. “If you-“

“I’m not going anywhere,” Eddie says, matter-of-fact. “But if I did— if ever I do— you don’t have to worry about that. He’s obsessed with you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Eddie insists. “Besides, you’re his emergency contact at school. So at the very least, you’ll get to see him anytime he’s sick and Pepa isn’t answering her phone.” 

Buck breaks out into a huge smile. “You really put me down as his emergency contact?”

“Of course I did,” Eddie says. “If I can’t be there, I trust you.” 

Buck pulls Eddie’s head to his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of his hair. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”

Eddie leans back, looking up into Buck’s eyes. “They’re green today,” he says.

“What?” Buck asks, furrowing his brow. “You sure you didn’t hit your head?”

Eddie smiles. “Your eyes, dumbass. They’re green today. Usually, they’re blue.”

“Green with envy,” Buck quips. “Jealous Shannon gets to have you when I don’t.”

“You have me,” Eddie says without hesitation. “You have me always.”

And there are those damn butterflies again. Buck smiles. “I like the sound of that.”

Eddie takes Buck’s hand in his own, staring into his eyes. “Like I said, I’m not going anywhere.”

Buck sighs. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” Eddie replies, voice just above a whisper.

“Like you’d risk it all for me,” Buck says before he can stop himself. Eddie doesn’t say anything. Buck is searching his face for any sign of emotion when there’s a knock on the open door frame. They look up to see a nurse waiting with a wheelchair.

“Okay, Mr. Diaz, CT is ready for you.”

“I’ll walk,” Eddie says, eyeing the wheelchair. Buck can’t help but his eyes. _Called it._

“Sorry, it’s policy. Until you’re cleared, you’re considered a fall risk,” she explains. Eddie’s eyes meet Buck’s pleadingly.

“You heard the good lady,” Buck says, stepping back to allow Eddie enough space to stand up. He places a hand on Eddie’s arm, nodding in the direction of the wheelchair. “Wouldn’t want you falling.” Eddie gives Buck a look of pure betrayal before sitting down.

“I would, you know,” Eddie says as the nurse backs out of the room, wheeling him with her. It takes Buck a second to realize that he’s picking up where they left off when they were interrupted. “Every time.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and leaving such nice comments!


	3. Three

“Eddie, Shannon’s here for you.” Bobby says, walking up to the mat where Eddie and Buck are boxing. Eddie raises an eyebrow, confused.

“Everything okay?” He asks, wiping the sweat from his forehead with his wrist.

“Seems so. She’s in the office.”

Eddie meets Buck’s eyes, shrugging as he uses his teeth to tug at the velcro on his boxing glove. He pulls the glove off, then uses his free hand to undo the other one. “Sorry,” he says as Buck pulls the pads off his own hands.

“Nah, do your thing,” Buck replies, trying to mask the disappointment in his voice with a friendly smile. He watches as Eddie jogs off in the direction of the office. It takes everything in him not to follow and eavesdrop.

“Hey,” Buck says, catching Eddie in the bunk room later on. There’s only an hour left of shift, and he’s hoping to spend it checking in with Eddie to make sure everything’s alright after Shannon’s surprise visit earlier. “Everything good with Shannon?” He has to bite his tongue to keep from asking the onslaught of questions he really wants to.

Eddie glances up from his book. “Um, yeah.”

“Christopher okay?” Buck asks, trying to keep playing it cool.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie nods, not looking up from his book. “All good. It was nothing.”

“I don’t know, I feel like you don’t show up at someone’s place of work over nothing,” Buck says before he can stop himself. Eddie places his book on the table beside his bunk and looks up to meet Buck’s eyes. “But that’s not the hill I’m going to die on, so instead I will just say that it’s Thursday, which means Maddie and Chim are going to drag me to karaoke. You wanna come?”

”I can’t tonight,” Eddie says.

“Why not?” Buck presses. The look Eddie gives him tells Buck he’s not going to like the answer. Which makes him want to hear it even more.

“I’m going to Shannon’s.”

”You’re going to _Shannon’s_?” Buck repeats, trying but failing to keep the betrayal out of his voice.

”I am,” Eddie says with a nod. “I-”

”Yeah, whatever,” Buck huffs, grabbing his bag from beside his own bunk two over from Eddie’s. 

“Buck, come on.”

”No, Eddie, you come on,” Buck retorts. “How many much longer can you keep mixing signals until you run out of combinations and actually call it what it is?”

“I‘m not do this right now,” Eddie says, standing up.

Buck takes a step forward. “Eddie-”

“No, Buck,” Eddie insists, walking past him. “I’m not doing this. Not here, not now.”

“What is _this_?” Buck demands, bringing his hands up to make air quotes. “Being honest with me? Having this conversation? Or is it us? You can’t do us anymore?”

“You know damn well that’s not true,” Eddie hisses. He shakes his head, taking a deep breath. “I can’t.” He’s out the door without another word.

Buck just stands there for a minute, waiting until he’s sure he won’t catch up to Eddie in the hallway. Just as he’s about to head out, Chimney walks in.

“You coming to karaoke?” he asks.

“Uh, yeah, actually,” Buck replies. Cheap drinks and being anywhere Eddie isn’t sounds ideal right about now. “That sounds great.”

 

 

It’s the middle of the fucking night when Eddie’s eyes shoot open. He grabs his phone off of his bedside table and sits up in bed, squinting through the bright light of his phone to read the incoming text. Buck. Of course. If anyone was going to wake Eddie up in the middle of the night with a text that wasn’t even meant for him, he’d be damned if it _wasn’t_ Evan Buckley.

**1:57 AM: Maddieeeeee**

**1:57 AM: Come gget me I wanna go.  Home**

**1:58 AM: This guy have me hi bumber but i dont wanytit I jsut want eddies**

Buck is a bad texter on a good day, but everything about these messages tell Eddie that Buck has seen better, more sober nights. He tries not to think about the third text— about someone else giving Buck their number. About Buck only wanting his. He immediately dials Buck’s number as he gets out of bed and turns a light on. No answer, so he tries Maddie. No answer there either. He tries Buck twice more with no luck.  

**1:59 AM: Buck, this is Eddie. You texted me, not Maddie. Where are you?**

He doesn’t wait for a response before pulling on his jacket and grabbing his keys. Thank God Shannon chose tonight to put her foot down about getting to keep Christopher overnight.

Eddie gets in his car and starts driving before he realizes he has no idea where he’s going. He pulls over and sees there’s still no reply. He tries calling Buck again, gets voicemail twice, and _swears_ his heart is going to beat out of his chest if someone doesn’t answer soon. He remembers Buck posted a picture earlier— Eddie only spent the better part of a half hour staring at it and trying to figure out whose cropped-out body belonged to the hand resting too comfortably on Buck’s shoulder. He quickly pulls it up, praying that there’s a location tagged. The stars have aligned, and there is— O’Malley’s.

He pulls up a few minutes later, whipping his truck into the first open parking spot he sees and all but running inside. He pauses only long enough to show the bouncer his ID and then he’s inside, scouring the crowd for Buck. He finally sees him leaned up against the bar, deep in conversation with one of the bartenders. He approaches him, placing a hand on his shoulder as the bartender registers Eddie’s presence and motions for Buck to turn around.

It takes a second for Buck to register that it’s Eddie’s hand on his shoulder, Eddie standing before him. And once he realizes, he rips his shoulder out of his gentle grip.

“Eddie, what the _fuck_ are you doing?” Buck hisses, stepping away from the bar and into the light. Eddie inhales sharply, trying his best to direct his attention away from the phone number on Buck’s hand, scrawled out in permanent marker. 

“Getting you out of here. C’mon, let’s go.”

“Why? ‘M fine.” Buck doesn’t sound as drunk as the texts led Eddie to believe, but he can smell the liquor on his breath from where he stands. 

“You sent me a text saying you wanted to go home. And another one about some guy giving you his number,” Eddie says, shooting a look at the bartender. He sees the Sharpie in the guy’s back pocket and feels a wave of jealousy shoot though his body. 

Buck’s brow crinkles in confusion. “No, I sent Maddie a text about some guy giving me his number.”

Eddie lets out an exasperated sigh. “No, Buck, you sent it to me. And you barely spelled a single word right. And you didn’t answer when I tried texting and calling.”

“So what?”

“So what?” Eddie repeats, frustration bubbling inside him. “So I was worried.”

“Yeah, well I’m not yours to worry about. You’ve made that pretty fucking clear,” Buck snaps, storming off. His skin is buzzing as he shoves his way through a crowd of college kids, and he’s not sure if he’s angry, sad, embarrassed, or just drunk. He decides it’s a little bit of everything.

“Buck!” Eddie shouts after him, trying to keep an eye on Buck’s blue shirt up ahead as he weaves through the crowd after him. He finally catches him a few feet before the exit. “What are you doing?”

“What am I doing? What am I doing, Eddie? I was trying to have a good night but you went ahead and ruined that one, so now I’m trying to go home and go to sleep.” He pushes past the bouncers and into the cold night air.

“Wait,” Eddie says, reaching out for Buck’s arm. For the second time tonight, he yanks himself away from Eddie’s touch. 

“I’m leaving, Eddie.” His voice is softer now, the angry edge all but gone from it. He exhales slowly, his breath visible in the chilly air between them.

“I’ll take you,” Eddie says, nodding towards his truck parked a few spots away from the entrance to the bar.

“What? No,” Buck says. “I’d rather walk.”

“Buck, don’t be ridiculous. It’s two in the morning.”

“Thanks for the insight, Father Time.” The angry edge to his voice is back.

Eddie sighs, at a loss. “And it’s like 50 degrees.”

“They’d call this summer in Canada.”

“Well we’re not in Canada. We’re in California and you’re shivering.”

“I am not,” Buck retorts, the chatter of his teeth betraying him.

“Cut the shit and get in the car,” Eddie snaps. “You’re gonna freeze your ass off out here, not to mention I’m not convinced you know how to get home.”

“Eddie, stop! Go home. See you when I see you.” Buck waves his hand dismissively before crossing his arms over his chest and dropping his head. He starts walking, refusing to look back at where he’s sure Eddie is still standing. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down. He listens to the sound of his feet on the pavement and tries to match his breathing to his footsteps. _Don’t cry. Don’t cry._ He pulls out his phone and texts Maddie that he’s on his way home. He triple checks it’s going to Maddie this time, too. Damned if he makes that mistake again.

After a couple minutes, he notices the hum of an engine behind him. He turns and sees Eddie’s truck and decides that if he had a rock, he would throw it straight through the stupid windshield right at Eddie’s stupid gorgeous face. The passenger side window rolls down, and Buck _really_ wishes he had something to throw.

“Get in the car. You can bitch at me all you want. Just please get in,” Eddie says.

“Fuck off.”

“Buck, please. I’m serious.” Maybe it’s because Eddie’s right and it _is_ really dark and really cold and he _definitely_ doesn’t remember which way Maddie’s apartment is, or maybe it’s because Buck has never heard Eddie sound broken like this before, but he opens the door and gets in with a sigh.

“Thank you,” Eddie all but whispers.

“Fuck you,” Buck shoots back, looking down at his crossed arms, determined not to make eye contact. He might be drunk, but he’s still smart enough to know that one look into Eddie’s eyes will ruin him.

“Buck-”

“Don’t talk to me. I hate you.”

“You don’t mean that,” Eddie says. And if it’s more for himself than it is for Buck, so what?

“Why did you come here?” Buck snaps suddenly. “You could’ve just let it go and gone back to sleep.”

“I was worried about you. I-”

“You’re not allowed to worry about me, don’t you get that?!” Buck interrupts, the hot tears welling in his eyes taking him by surprise. “You can’t just act like you don’t want me and then show up at the bar at two in the morning because you’re worried about me. You don’t get to just pull this shit all the time where one second you want me and the next you don’t, okay? I can’t keep killing myself over these games we play, wondering why you don’t feel the same way about me and why I can’t just let you go once and for all. I can’t spend another four months trying to figure out why I’m not good enough for you, Eddie. I’m not strong enough for that.” He wipes the tears from his face angrily, closing his eyes and taking a shaky breath. He begs himself to calm down, to breathe, to stop being such a fucking crybaby.

“Buck-” Eddie begins.

“No!” Buck cuts him off. “God, why can’t you see that I love you? That this—” he motions between the two of them, “— is fucking killing me?”

Eddie pulls over and throws the truck into park without saying a word. Buck has never said that to him before. His words play over in Eddie’s head again and again. _I love you_ _._ Eddie’s never said it before either, but he knows its truth in the same way he knows his own name.

He turns in his seat and looks over at Buck. “I filed for divorce,” he finally says. Buck snaps his head up, tears still glistening in his eyes. “I just couldn’t do it. I was lying to myself, lying to Shannon, fuck, I was even lying to Christopher. Pretending we had a chance when I knew all along we didn’t…” his voice trails off as he searches for the right words. He takes a deep breath, eyes glinting. “So I told her I’m in love with you.”

Buck takes a shaky breath. “Eddie, I-”

“Don’t you _ever_ think you’re not enough for me. You are more than enough, Buck. God, you’re– you’re fucking everything.”

Buck doesn’t even think, he just _does._ In one swift motion, he leans across the console and presses his lips to Eddie’s. It’s messy and uncoordinated and Buck is pretty sure his lips taste like cheap vodka and _definitely_ sure he’s a second or two away from slipping and knocking the car into neutral but he doesn’t care. And judging by the way Eddie pulls him closer it doesn’t seem like he cares too much, either.

“Everything,” Eddie murmurs, so quietly Buck barely catches it over the low hum of the heater running. Eddie presses a line of kisses down Buck’s jaw and starts kissing at the hollow of his neck. Buck inhales sharply, biting his lip as his eyes flutter shut. His hand snakes around Eddie’s neck, breathing shakily as he tries to move away from the gearshift digging into his thigh without losing Eddie’s mouth on his neck.

“Take me home,” Buck manages to get out through shaky breaths as Eddie slips a hand under the waistband of his jeans. “I don’t– oh fuck, Eddie– want to fuck you in your car, but if you don’t hurry up we’re not going to have a choice.”

“Seatbelt,” Eddie says, shifting the car into drive and looking over his shoulder. Buck obeys, dropping back into his seat and buckling up. Eddie tears out onto the road and heads for his house and _holy shit_ this is the longest ten minutes of his life, he’s sure of it.  

The second the front door slams behind them, Buck has Eddie pinned against the door, one hand on the wall on either side of his face. Eddie’s hands grip onto Buck’s hips like his life depends on it, yanking him closer, closer, _closer._ Everything slows down as Buck dips his head, pressing their foreheads together. Hot breath mingles in the mere millimeters of space between their lips. “I’m sorry,” Eddie breathes, his hand moving to cup Buck’s cheek. “Me, too,” Buck says, and then their lips are meeting.

 

 

“So,” Buck says the following morning, as Eddie takes the mug of coffee out of his hands and replaces it with a bottle of water.

He raises an eyebrow in response to Buck’s pout. “Hydrate.”

“Divorce, huh?” Buck asks, taking a long pull from the bottle before setting it on the counter beside him.

“Yeah,” Eddie says with a nod from where he’s rummaging around in one of the kitchen cabinets. Buck is sitting on the counter, knocking his heels against the dishwasher as he swings his feet gently.

“How are you feeling about it?” Buck asks. Eddie finds what he’s looking for and turns around to face him. He shakes two Advil out of the bottle and drops them in Buck’s palm.

And that’s the thing about Eddie, Buck thinks. He didn’t say anything about how it feels like someone keeps flicking a rubber band against his skull, yet here’s Eddie with water and Advil and, inevitably, a promise to lay on the couch all day. Buck feels warm inside at the thought. “Honestly?” Eddie asks.

“No, I want you to lie to my face,” Buck deadpans. He swallows the pills, eager to get rid of the pounding in his head thanks to his many, _many_ adult beverages the night before.

Eddie smiles, nudging Buck’s knee to the side so he can step between his legs. “I feel good about it. Really, really good.”

Buck doesn't even try to hide the smile that sneaks onto his face. “You do?”

“Of course I do,” Eddie says, resting a hand on Buck’s thigh.

“So what happened when she came by the station yesterday?”

“She wanted Christopher for the night. We argued about it at first, but she made a good point.”

“Which was?”

“That if she was going to go anywhere, she would’ve already,” Eddie takes a deep breath. “And she's right. I should’ve given her more credit than that. But I told her she could take him for the night. And when I dropped him off after shift, I told her I was finally filing for divorce.”

So _that’s_ why Eddie was going to Shannon’s. Not for a romantic tryst, or to rekindle their marriage, or to talk about how lame Buck was for thinking he had a shot with Eddie. Funny how that works out.  “Just like that?” Buck asks.

“I mean, we had been talking about it for a while. I was just so scared she was going to leave again. I kept holding off on actually getting the papers, thinking about Christopher and what he would think. How he would feel if she left. But what I realized is that, much like his dad, he has some pretty special people in his life who love him,” Eddie looks up at Buck with a smile. “So I told her I was ready to make it official.”

“Is that all you told her?” Buck asks, fishing for the answer he already knows. He may have had a lot to drink last night, but he’s pretty sure— no, scratch that, absolutely certain— that Eddie confessed his love. He just wants to hear Eddie say it.

Eddie breaks into a smile. “Well, I also told her I’m in love with you.”

“And?”

“And she said she knew from the first day she saw us together.”

“Hmm, interesting,” Buck replies, nodding his head thoughtfully. “So I guess that would mean-”

“I shouldn’t have kicked you out that day,” Eddie finishes the sentence with an eye roll. “How many ways am I going to have to say sorry for that one?”

Buck cocks his head to the side and grins. “Hmm, I could think of a few ways.”

“Oh you could, could you?” Eddie slides his hand up Buck’s thigh.

“I could, yes,” Buck says with a hurried nod. Eddie bites his lip and Buck’s breath hitches in his throat. Their lips meet, and there are those pesky butterflies again. Buck nips at Eddie’s bottom lip, running his tongue over it quickly to ease the sting. Eddie squeezes Buck’s thigh as he leans into the kiss. Buck hums contentedly against Eddie’s lips.

It’s over too soon, cold air dancing across Buck’s kiss-swollen lips as Eddie’s mouth moves down his jaw. And it’s a good fucking thing he’s still sitting down or else Buck thinks he’d be in a puddle of ecstasy on the floor. He brings his hand up to grip the back of Eddie’s head when Eddie sees a flash of black out of the side of his eye.

Immediately, he pulls away, leaving Buck more confused than ever. “What-”

“Hold on,” Eddie says, leaning over and grabbing a napkin from beside the toaster. He flips on the tap and runs it under the faucet, adding a pump of soap for good measure.

“Eddie, _what_ are you doing?” Buck asks.

Eddie says nothing, just picks up Buck’s right hand, where that dumbass bartender’s phone number is still there, the black ink a stark contrast to Buck’s pale skin. Buck has to bite his lip to keep the smile off his face as Eddie starts wiping at it with the soapy napkin, hard enough to get the ink to fade but still careful as to not hurt Buck. “You didn’t want this, did you?” He asks, almost as an afterthought. He knows the answer, after all. 

“God, no,” Buck says. The look of determination on Eddie’s face stirs up those damned butterflies again. Jealous Eddie might just be Buck’s favorite Eddie, right after Caring Eddie, Sleepy Eddie, Dad Eddie, and Just-took-his-helmet-off-after-a-call Eddie.

“That’s better,” Eddie says after another minute of scrubbing at the skin on the back of Buck’s hand. He grabs a clean napkin and wipes the moisture off, revealing ink so faded even the best and brightest detectives wouldn’t be able to decipher the numbers it once formed.

“I love you,” Buck blurts out, hopping off the counter to stand before Eddie. “Damn, that feels good to say. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“Can you say that again?” Eddie asks. “I didn’t hear you the first time.”

“I said I love you,” Buck says, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Eddie’s forehead. “I love you,” a kiss to his nose. “I really, really love you,” he declares, meeting Eddie’s lips with his own.

“No, I love _you_ ,” Eddie replies, voice barely above a whisper. “And I’m going to do everything I can to prove it to you.”

“You already have,” Buck says, wrapping his arms around Eddie and pulling him close. “Anything else is just extra.” Eddie rests his head on Buck’s chest, the sound of his steady heartbeat grounding him. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes as he inhales the familiar scent. He feels more at home right here in this moment than he ever has before.

“You still smell like vodka,” he says after a minute.

Buck can’t help but laugh. “I know, I think it’s seeping out through my pores.”

“You’re an idiot,” Eddie says affectionately.

Buck kisses the top of his head. “As long as I can be _your_ idiot, I’m okay with that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it! Thank you SO much for reading and commenting. This was my first Buddie fic but I am totally hooked on these two and I’m definitely going to be writing and posting some more. Leave me comment or PM me if you have any requests!


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